


up against the wall

by talia_ae



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Epistolary, Humor, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-16
Packaged: 2017-11-12 07:23:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talia_ae/pseuds/talia_ae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia tries to figure out if there's such a thing as a sexy concussion.  Stiles would like everyone to remember that phone records can be subpoenaed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	up against the wall

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure this takes place in an AU version of Teen Wolf that is actually a romantic comedy. Anyways.

(Stiles 5:42) hi Derek  
(Stiles 5:42) this is just a friendly request for you to be more careful when you shove me into walls  
(Stiles 5:43) my dad is starting to get really suspicious about the repeated concussions.

(Derek 5:48) I have never given you a concussion

(Stiles 5:50) two nights ago I was forced to wake up every three hours so I wouldn’t die.  
(Stiles 5:51) it’s not like you can transfer your ninjawolf healing powers to the rest of us

(Derek 5:54) Stiles why are you even awake

(Stiles 5:56) why are YOU awake, that is a better question, anyways, the concussion thing fucked up my sleep schedule.

(Derek 5:58) go back to bed, you don’t have to be up for school for another hour

(Stiles 6:01) it’s so creepy that you know that.  
(Stiles 6:03) are you sitting on my roof right now  
(Stiles 6:04) Derek?  
(Stiles 6:05) Derek?  
(Stiles 6:08) …Derek?

-

(Scott 7:08) do u remember wat shirt i wore ystrday? dun wanna repeat

(Stiles 7:15) navy blue henley?

(Scott 7:18) thx man

(Stiles 7:20) np see you in 15

-

(Lydia 8:33) why is our history teacher so fixated on Gavrilo Princip’s sandwich  
(Lydia 8:33) like, it was a coincidence, get the fuck over it

(Stiles 8:35) preach.

(Lydia 8:38) omg can you imagine what’s going to happen when we get up to the JFK assassination  
(Lydia 8:38) we’ll have to cut and go for breakfast instead

(Stiles 8:40) pretty sure if I get another unexcused absence they’ll suspend me  
(Stiles 8:40) even though my head injuries are TOTALLY LEGITIMATE, jfc

(Lydia 8:44) did you take my advice and talk to Derek about it?

(Stiles 8:51) talking to him is like talking to the brick walls he inevitably throws me into

(Lydia 8:53) he’s really still doing that? …wait! Maybe it’s a form of werewolf flirting. Pulling pigtails, but with more pain and intimidation.

(Stiles 8:54) I don’t know why I thought giving you my phone number would lead to good things?

(Lydia 8:56) please.

-

(Scott 9:15) good luck on your test!!!!!!  
(Scott 9:15) <33333333

(Allison 9:19) thanks! :)

(Scott 9:22) <33333333333333333333

-

(Stiles 10:11) oh did I mention the CAT scan I had to get  
(Stiles 10:12) they took pictures of my brain and found it was SWOLLEN  
(Stiles 10:12) slightly swollen, but still.

(Derek 10:19) aren’t you supposed to be paying attention to class?

(Stiles 10:28) just, can’t you throw me into a soft hedge?  
(Stiles 10:28) we live in the woods, it can’t be that hard to find one or two.

-

(Lydia 10:31) Jackson, I have a question for you.

(Jackson 10:33) yeah whats up

(Lydia 10:34) would you consider tossing someone around a form of physical affection, if the person doing the tossing was slightly disturbed? Like, kinda a guy thing.

(Jackson 10:36) is this guy on guy or guy on girl?

(Lydia 10:36) guy on guy

(Jackson 10:38) idk lemme ask danny

-

(Jackson 10:42) hey would u think it was hot if some dude pushed u up against a wall?  
(Jackson 10:42) i mean in a sexy way

(Danny 10:47) uh

(Jackson 10:49) just to clarify this is for lydia

(Danny 10:52) oh  
(Danny 10:52) um  
(Danny 10:53) I guess it would depend on who was doing the pushing?

(Jackson 10:55) thx bro

-

(Lydia 10:59) Look, I need more data. How *often* is Derek pushing you up against walls?

(Stiles 11:01) NO, we are not talking about this, I thought that was clear  
(Stiles 11:02) phone records can be subpoenaed!

(Lydia 11:04) whatever, answer the question.

(Stiles 11:07) did you not hear me when I said repeated concussions?

(Lydia 11:09) point taken.  
(Lydia 11:10) but does his breathing change when he’s holding you up against the wall?

(Stiles 11:11) NO  
(Stiles 11:11) STOP  
(Stiles 11:12) ABORT MISSION

-

(Lydia 11:16) Hi Derek, why do you keep pushing Stiles up against walls? A girl might get the wrong idea.

(Derek 11:19) who is this

(Lydia 11:22) Lydia!

(Derek 11:24) why are you and Stiles talking about this

(Lydia 11:26) ummm, I don’t care about conspiracy theories surrounding Gavrilo Princip, and I know everything we’re doing in calc already.  
(Lydia 11:27) (which you didn’t hear from me.)

(Derek 11:28) no. please stop.  
(Derek 11:29) I don’t have unlimited texting.

(Lydia 11:30) Well, since you asked nicely.

 

-

(Derek 11:32) Scott why does Lydia Martin have my phone number.  
(Derek 11:33) did you give it to her

(Derek 11:38) Scott

(Scott 11:40) oh hey man idk

(Derek 11:42) seriously Scott  
(Derek 11:42) who gave it to her?

(Scott 11:43) no idea sry bro

(Derek 11:45) SCOTT

(Scott 11:48) derek

(Derek 11:50) this isn’t funny, Scott

(Scott 11:51) srsly really idk

(Derek 11:53) and somehow I don’t believe you.

(Scott 11:55) ugh fine its posted on ur facebook

(Derek 11:56) I don’t have a  
(Derek 11:56) wait  
(Derek 11:57) goddamnit

-

(Lydia 12:00) it’s totally a form of werewolf flirting.

(Stiles 12:00) AUGH NO GO AWAY  
(Stiles 12:01) I AM GOING TO EAT LUNCH WITH THE NORMAL PEOPLE TODAY

(Lydia 12:02) You can’t, Danny’s sitting with Jackson right now  
(Lydia 12:03) and don’t think I don’t know you’re hiding in the men’s room.

(Stiles 12:08) goddamnit

(Lydia 12:10) You can’t avoid this.

(Stiles 12:12) wait Lydia wait shit  
(Stiles 12:12) did you text Derek?

-

(Scott 1:05) u look really pretty 2day!!  
(Scott 1:06) I like ur hair <3  
(Scott 1:06) it always smells so nice :))))

(Allison 1:09) <3!

-

(Jackson 1:16) hey danny wants 2 know if ur talking abt someone named miguel re stiles?  
(Jackson 1:18) he wants 2 clarify dude is tall, dark, and ragey, but also very hot

(Lydia 1:25) I was talking about Derek Hale, who totally fits that description.

(Jackson 1:27) danny says he knew stiles didn’t have a cousin miguel  
(Jackson 1:27) ok

(Lydia 1:30) So sexy wall pushing is confirmed.  
(Lydia 1:31) Should I ask for Scott’s opinion?

(Jackson 1:33) lol no that is a terrible idea

(Lydia 1:38) …point.

-

(Derek 2:00) if I get one more text from a high schooler about “sexy wall pushing”, I am going to-- Jesus.  
(Derek 2:00) do SOMETHING  
(Derek 2:01) do you understand me, Stiles.

(Stiles 2:03) dude, I told her not to do this  
(Stiles 2:03) warned her of the legal ramifications  
(Stiles 2:04) Lydia Martin does what Lydia Martin wants

(Derek 2:06) make it stop.

(Stiles 2:10) …you think I made it START?  
(Stiles 2:10) seriously, I just wanted fewer head injuries, that is a legitimate thing to wish for  
(Stiles 2:11) I never said concussions were sexy!

(Derek 2:17) pay attention to lacrosse practice, Stiles

(Stiles 2:21) I don’t have that for hours! bad job on the stalking, dude.  
(Stiles 2:22) and I think we’re both in agreement that concussions aren’t sexy.

-

(Lydia 2:30) Derek Hale is warm for your form.

(Stiles 2:35) I’m blocking your number.

(Lydia 2:36) No you’re not.

(Stiles 2:39) no I’m not.

-

(Scott 4:01) hey man is there sumthin goin on with u and derek i shld kno abt?

(Stiles 4:04) NO

(Scott 4:10) yah well im here if u need me

(Stiles 4:15) thanks. but no. never. a million nevers no.

(Scott 4:22) ok sure

-

(Derek 4:27) now I’m over my messages thanks to all of you

(Stiles 4:30) yeah well  
(Stiles 4:31) this is still all your fault


End file.
